Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Script to Screen: OGR II


  1. 04/03/2016

    Hi Danielle,

    Okay - a couple of things: firstly, I think you need to look again at your script, which is actually a series of long descriptions of what happens in each scene, as opposed to a 'screenplay' which tells us about the types of shots and variety of shots, and the actual way in which you're going to put the action on screen. You need to get into it a bit more and commit to your structure. Obviously, in terms of your storyboard, you're doing just that, but I'd like to see you get to grips with some of the technical language etc. as outlined in Adobe Story etc. Your script isn't quite a script yet.

    Your thumbnail storyboard actually communicates pretty well, and you've got some nice back and forth between the characters etc. In terms of your story itself, I think it's missing some important information - basically, that the tattooist's drawings can effect physical change on the objects he paints. Without this info, we won't understand how the mermaid gets her legs at the end of the story. Perhaps, when we first meet the tattooists at his performance, not only do we see that the images on his body are 'alive', we see him do something transformation-based too; for example, perhaps he takes a wounded dove, and draws a new wing on it, and we see it fly off happily - anyway, something that demonstrates that he can create physical transformations with his ink. I think the plan to give the mermaid her legs needs to be shown to the audience more immediately too; one idea I had is that we see that the tattooist has added a mermaid drawing to his arm (for example); this delights the mermaid, but then we see the mermaid drawing's tail split and turn into legs, and we see the Mermaid's delight. She nods in agreement etc... and then you pick your story up as it is etc.

    In terms of character design, I think you need to think about working in a very 'strongly flavoured' way; tonally, your film has a nice darkness to it, so perhaps looking at the stylisation of films like The Corpse Bride for permission to exaggerate and go nice and bold in terms of shapes:

    You should similarly think as theatrically and as bold about your concept art for the environments etc; your story world is that lovely mix of horror and romanticism, and you should think about rich, strong colour palettes. Again, check out The Corpse Bride and Coraline for the confidence to embrace expressionistic effects, bold shadow-play and potent colour combinations! It might help you to think of your animation as being a 'stop motion' animation, which might encourage you to look at puppet design as a means of working up some striking characters.

    So, in summary: I'm looking forward to seeing a more technically descriptive script and some striking production design. You'll be expected to produce a more 'client-facing' storyboard, which means using storyboard conventions and tidying everything up. You'll want to think too about sound design, as your particular story world is going soak up lots of sound in order to create its dark carnival atmosphere. In terms of your concept art/production design tasks, I want you to roll up your sleeves and produce strong, bold designs! Looking forward to it...

  2. oh yeah, and I wondered about just 'The Attraction' as the name for your film, because it has two meanings and keeps things a bit mysterious.